I've spent an hour now--
though it was years in my mind--
contemplating,
needing to talk, but
so afraid to open my mouth
and let you in.
I've been running circles through my head,
chasing after something and hoping
it will amount to anything.
But mostly just taking memory walks
through dark corridors I thought I'd abandoned
years ago.
Where is this going?
Straight to the shelf again,
to be dealt with alone--
the same way I always have--
by not dealing with it at all,
and hoping the scars just fade.
But
perhaps we'll dig it up
and talk.
Still, I feel like I'm just
throwing garbage at you,
like I do so often.
Really I just need someone on my side,
who knows what is going on...
Sorry that I'm burdening you.
I hope, though.
That it's not awful.
That you'll give me
some of you to carry in return.
I can't expect you to carry us both
all on your own.
I can't believe it's this hard
to let you in, to let myself out-
but you listen and feel, and it turns out
there was much more of my struggle
already inside you than I
ever would have thought.
So
we dig ourselves up
and talk.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Thursday, August 27, 2015
denarium [penny]
I've found that in the English language and American culture, we have a lot of sayings that don't always make sense. They're often derived from some strange anecdote of the past and people have been saying things like, "don't spill the beans", "this smells fishy", or "it came out of the blue", ever since-- without really questioning why in the world that's an effective mode of communication.
Regardless of how accurately expressions like this may reflect the reality you'd like to share with those around you, we use idiomatic expressions and colloquialisms because there remains some figurative truth to what's being said. And we appreciate those things, because they help us see some sort of significance to the harsher realities that surround us.
Included today are two such expressions regarding something commonly found on the ground: pennies.
"A penny for your thoughts" was first published in 1522, in Sir Thomas More's book, "Four Last Things". The phrase existed before then, but became more widespread when it was penned:
“As it often happeth that the very face sheweth the mind walking a pilgrimage, in such wise that, not without some note and reproach of such vagrant mind, other folk suddenly say to them, ‘A penny for your thought.’”
Included today are two such expressions regarding something commonly found on the ground: pennies.
"A penny for your thoughts" was first published in 1522, in Sir Thomas More's book, "Four Last Things". The phrase existed before then, but became more widespread when it was penned:
“As it often happeth that the very face sheweth the mind walking a pilgrimage, in such wise that, not without some note and reproach of such vagrant mind, other folk suddenly say to them, ‘A penny for your thought.’”
Mm. Good old Literature.
Of course, I have never seen anyone actually exchange coinage for the thoughts of another (until we get into themes like patent law, I suppose) but the proposal still stands; the desire to know what's on someone's mind--and perhaps glean some wise insight--is worth, it would seem, a small investment.
"My two cents", on the other hand, is an expression used to denote one's opinion. People often use it either timidly or caustically to depreciate the value of their input, or to avoid possible contention. It has many possible origins, but nothing definitive as to why or how it entered colloquial speech.
Of course, I have never seen anyone actually exchange coinage for the thoughts of another (until we get into themes like patent law, I suppose) but the proposal still stands; the desire to know what's on someone's mind--and perhaps glean some wise insight--is worth, it would seem, a small investment.
"My two cents", on the other hand, is an expression used to denote one's opinion. People often use it either timidly or caustically to depreciate the value of their input, or to avoid possible contention. It has many possible origins, but nothing definitive as to why or how it entered colloquial speech.
Even though the original finances and meanings related to these phrases have become rather obsolete, we somehow still managed to agree that these phrases are acceptable methods of communication. While the former tends to magnify or exaggerate the worth of a penny and the latter does the opposite, they still form an appreciable contribution to our language and idiomatic communications. And together, they might teach us something:
If you offer "a penny for your thoughts" and someone gives you their two cents, you got a great return on that investment. You just doubled your investment! That's good business right there.
Microfinances aside, though, investing yourself in what others think or have to say is an incredibly valuable and worthwhile expenditure. Of course things like friendship and teamwork require you to invest some sort of principal. Your time, your efforts, even your emotions. And listening to another and allowing them to return that to you often enlarges whatever thoughts or feelings you had previous to that. You gain another perspective and a more thorough understanding of the world around you--even if that world around you is as localized as the workings of another mind. These things are important.
The great thing about investing "a penny for your thoughts" is that the investment is so simple. It really requires nothing more than you caring enough to take notice.
If you offer "a penny for your thoughts" and someone gives you their two cents, you got a great return on that investment. You just doubled your investment! That's good business right there.
Microfinances aside, though, investing yourself in what others think or have to say is an incredibly valuable and worthwhile expenditure. Of course things like friendship and teamwork require you to invest some sort of principal. Your time, your efforts, even your emotions. And listening to another and allowing them to return that to you often enlarges whatever thoughts or feelings you had previous to that. You gain another perspective and a more thorough understanding of the world around you--even if that world around you is as localized as the workings of another mind. These things are important.
The great thing about investing "a penny for your thoughts" is that the investment is so simple. It really requires nothing more than you caring enough to take notice.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
exitus
It's the last day of April, and for me, the last day of the semester. Hallelujah.
Everywhere I turn, people are packing up and moving out. Finishing classes, saying goodbyes, graduating, moving on to different things...
The world is abundant with endings today.
And as humans, we tend not to like endings. In general, we think they're sad.
Except for endings like strenuous runs or hard classes, which are victorious.
But here's a little secret about endings. We need them.
We need finish lines and goals and even the goodbyes. Without them, we would accomplish much less, under-appreciate most things, and sell ourselves short in almost every way. And life, even though it goes on, would lose much of its savor.
Endings push us beyond the limits we put for ourselves. One excellent example is the story of Florence Chadwick, a brilliant swimmer who enjoyed pushing the limits. She swam the English Channel both ways, and had decided to do a long-distance swim along the coastline of California. It was a foggy day, and she swam for hours despite barely being able to see the support boats alongside her. After fifteen exhausting hours, she finally relented to the chilly water and her aching muscles, and asked to be pulled into the boats. They continued to land and discovered that Florence had swum all but half a mile of her intended distance. Upon learning this, she said, "All I could see was the fog. I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it."
Setting a goal and seeing the finish line helps us to dig deeper within ourselves and push through the tiredness, the aches and pains, and whatever else comes our way. Going on an endless swim into the ocean, we're more likely to sell ourselves short and stop before we realize how close we are to achieving our goals.
The other opportunity that endings afford us is a moment to reflect back on what we've done and who we've become. It's usually the most natural time for people to say things they should have been saying all along: "Thank you for being a good friend," "I'm glad to have you in my life," "You are a quality human being and I hope you have a wonderful life." You know, those things that your friends might write in a yearbook, given they actually know you and are sincere about the things they write in yearbooks. Without the goodbyes we have to say, I fear we would take a lot more relationships for granted. We would fail to express our appreciation and respect for each other like we should. Our relationships would be much less fulfilling on the whole if we never had to face the reality of saying goodbye.
When we realize that endings come and at some point, we must all be left, or leave ourselves, I think we gain a better understanding of how valuable the present moment is. We tend to spend our time better, realizing that it will come to an end. We won't always be at this place, with these people, doing these things. We'll have to move on some day. And turns out, that day is rapidly approaching.
So as much as we must seize the day, I find that we must also embrace the endings.
Everywhere I turn, people are packing up and moving out. Finishing classes, saying goodbyes, graduating, moving on to different things...
The world is abundant with endings today.
And as humans, we tend not to like endings. In general, we think they're sad.
Except for endings like strenuous runs or hard classes, which are victorious.
But here's a little secret about endings. We need them.
We need finish lines and goals and even the goodbyes. Without them, we would accomplish much less, under-appreciate most things, and sell ourselves short in almost every way. And life, even though it goes on, would lose much of its savor.
Endings push us beyond the limits we put for ourselves. One excellent example is the story of Florence Chadwick, a brilliant swimmer who enjoyed pushing the limits. She swam the English Channel both ways, and had decided to do a long-distance swim along the coastline of California. It was a foggy day, and she swam for hours despite barely being able to see the support boats alongside her. After fifteen exhausting hours, she finally relented to the chilly water and her aching muscles, and asked to be pulled into the boats. They continued to land and discovered that Florence had swum all but half a mile of her intended distance. Upon learning this, she said, "All I could see was the fog. I think if I could have seen the shore, I would have made it."
Setting a goal and seeing the finish line helps us to dig deeper within ourselves and push through the tiredness, the aches and pains, and whatever else comes our way. Going on an endless swim into the ocean, we're more likely to sell ourselves short and stop before we realize how close we are to achieving our goals.
The other opportunity that endings afford us is a moment to reflect back on what we've done and who we've become. It's usually the most natural time for people to say things they should have been saying all along: "Thank you for being a good friend," "I'm glad to have you in my life," "You are a quality human being and I hope you have a wonderful life." You know, those things that your friends might write in a yearbook, given they actually know you and are sincere about the things they write in yearbooks. Without the goodbyes we have to say, I fear we would take a lot more relationships for granted. We would fail to express our appreciation and respect for each other like we should. Our relationships would be much less fulfilling on the whole if we never had to face the reality of saying goodbye.
When we realize that endings come and at some point, we must all be left, or leave ourselves, I think we gain a better understanding of how valuable the present moment is. We tend to spend our time better, realizing that it will come to an end. We won't always be at this place, with these people, doing these things. We'll have to move on some day. And turns out, that day is rapidly approaching.
So as much as we must seize the day, I find that we must also embrace the endings.
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